Introduction: 

Navigating the joys and challenges of life with a neurodiverse family, where both adults and child alike face ADHD and autism, requires a deep understanding, unconditional love, and a robust, interconnected, comprehensive support system. In the story of our family’s journey, outsiders can see the influential role of having a supportive partner and the surprising support role played by a loyal furry companion. This post delves into how embracing neurodiversity not only challenges but also enriches family life, highlighting the extraordinary support from a husband and the therapeutic role of a family pet.

In a cozy corner of everyday life, where the dance of neurodiversity colors every interaction, the role of a supportive family member transcends ordinary expectations. My husband stands out as a beacon of support; his actions and words not just accommodating but celebrate our neurodiverse family’s unique needs and attributes without shame, guilt, or even annoyance.

Celebrating Neurodiversity with Unconditional Support 

From the get-go, my husband embraced my neurological differences with open arms before I even received a diagnosis. He clocked that I was “different” from a mile away, the only person in my life to ever do so. Far from merely accepting these quirks as part of me, he celebrates them. My “weird” is not only embraced but encouraged. When my ADHD spurs me to jump from one craft to another, he is there, not with criticism but with encouragement and financial support. “Don’t worry about the money,” he says, pushing me to explore new horizons without shame. His approach extends beyond hobbies to essential aspects of life like medical care, where he insists on the best possible care regardless of expense, reinforcing his commitment to my well-being.

He supports his spoonie wife, and has had to defend this relationshpi with me as a result. Some people, I wont say who….question if I really have so many health issues. They question why he is staying with a “money pit” whose health issues are a financial drain. He tells them, ” I love her, and ‘In sickness and in Health’ is part of that love.”

The good ones do exist.

The Strength of Understanding in Parenting a Neurodiverse Family

Our son, who is twice exceptional with ADHD and autism, faces the world differently. Here, traditional parenting manuals fall short. Instead, we employ trauma-informed and neurodevelopment-informed approaches. Recognizing that his impulse control is limited by both his youth and his neurology, we seek guidance from his therapist, a pillar of wisdom in navigating these waters. Punishments are not doled out for the impossible; instead, we adapt our expectations and discipline to foster understanding and growth rather than frustration and setbacks.

Many times we have had a week or more of challenging behavior with no apparent root cause, until we talk to the therapist. Then it all makes sense. More often than not, my son’s negative behavior is a result of his self-flagellation after an argument or disagreement of some kind.

Only dead fish go with the flow.

Andy Hunt – Author

Do we nail it every time? Most definitely not! Just today I lost my cool at his doddling and playing with his phone instead of getting ready for school and I yelled, loud. I berated him. Once I calmed down, I called him before class started and apologized. I will do so again when I pick him up. I want him to know adults are capable of and should be expected to apologize when they make mistakes. That nothing he does means he deserves to be disrespected. My trauma got to me this morning, and I need to fix that. 

A Four-Legged Emotional Support System

Our dog has unwittingly become an integral part of our support system. Her instincts to detect rising anxiety or stress in the house bring a calming presence. Whether placing her head gently on our knees or pressing against us, she provides a physical reminder to breathe and step back from the brink. Her response to raised voices—a bark that seems to say, “Enough!”—acts as a built-in emotional regulator that brings us back to a state of calm. The weight of her body pressing against my husband when he’s lying down or seated on the couch acts as deep pressure therapy to aid in nervous system regulation. Something she started on her own with no training. 

Finding Strength in Neurodiverse Community 

Supporting a neurodiverse family goes beyond the confines of our home. It’s about building a community that understands and embraces difference. We connect with support groups, such as our local chapter of “Parent 2 Parent,” which connects parents of disabled and complex-needs kids to each other, as well as services and therapists. We lean on friends who share similar challenges with health and neurotypes. We constantly seek out resources that educate and enlighten us. Each step on this path not only supports our family but also fortifies us against the solitude that often comes with navigating neurodiversity.

Look for community engagement groups, programs, and services. Many communities nation wide and dare I say world wide have special needs support groups. If not in person, search online. Be discerning, but be open to support from the most unlikely places. Google is your friend here.

Creating an Adaptive Living Space For NeuroSpicy

Our home reflects our commitment to accommodating each family member’s needs, from unique lighting and decor designed to soothe sensory integration disorders like light, tactile, and auditory sensitivities to advanced security measures like fingerprint locks to prevent midnight snack raids and late-night TV binges. Each modification makes our home a sanctuary tailored to our neurodiverse family’s needs.

What works for one will not work for all. My house is a treasure trove of sensory tools, adaptations, and considerations. We want not only our comfort, but the comfort and security of our loved ones who come to visit. We ensure our home is as peaceful and comfortable as possible. Why pay thousands of dollars a year to live somewhere that makes you uncomfortable. Its your space, claim it.

Conclusion: 

The journey with a neurodiverse family is filled with unique challenges and unparalleled joys. The key to navigating this path is a foundation of robust understanding and support, both within and outside the family unit. By celebrating each family member’s individual needs and strengths and extending that understanding into every corner of our lives, we not only survive but thrive. This isn’t just our story—it’s a call to all families to embrace the power of support in the beautiful spectrum of neurodiversity.

DjinniWhispers

• July 2024
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